The things we do and what they do to us.
I love it when I read an author who has shaped their life or a chapter of their life after a single line read in a book or poem. It rings with a sense of depth and centeredness when a single line from a desert father or mother, a revered mystic, saint, or the poet Rumi spoke a word or wrote a line that echos across time and shapes a modern life.
This week, I read a line that I can’t stop thinking about. I’m not sure it will change my life, but there are several ideas worth considering in this short passage.
“The frenetic pace of our lives means we often end up falling into routines without much reflection. We do what we think “good parents” do. And we might think these are just “things that we do” without recognizing that they may also be doing something to us.”
-James K. A. Smith in You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit
What are the routines and choices we make without reflection doing to us? That question is one that I can stop thinking about. I am an actor in my life, but I am also acted upon. This is, of course, totally obvious, something known. Still, it also can become so easily lost in the “frenetic pace of our lives.” The things I do, do things to me.
I see that as deeper and different from the contemporary hymn ‘Be careful little eyes what you see.” (Which is a children’s hymn reminding kids that God is watching what they see, hear and say to make sure it’s pure-I found it online categorized as a song “Principles on How to Be a Proper Human Being”-It raises so many questions, but that is for another time.)
It’s more of a question about how I am being formed by what I do. How does the way I spend my time show what I value? How do the books I read, the relationships I have and IG/TikTok/Twitter1, etc., shape me? Have I formed my life, or has my life formed me? It’s some of both. Every six months or so, I “audit” my social media and clear out too many home organization or capsule wardrobe follows-to name a few categories that always seem to grow on my social media. In an attention economy, I have to be aware of how the currency of my attention is spent. In many ways, my attention is more powerful than my dollars, both to those trying to get my attention and in the ways that my attention is shaping me!
What are the routines and choices I make without reflection doing to me?
This week I added a new routine to my week. I call my Senators and Representative in Washington DC every day, reminding them (nicely) that I am a voter. Shortly they will have an opportunity to vote on addressing the untenable escalation of gun violence in our nation. It’s a small act of activism-do I believe it will change how my legislators vote? No, I don’t think my calls are anything more than persistent and annoying noise for the kind interns and assistants in the office. But, what I am doing IS doing something to me. I’m reading the news more critically. I’m engaging with people I know and talking about issues. I had coffee dates and more email/text/ messages than I can count with people who are asking, “wait, how did you do that? What do you say? Can you send me the phone number and bill numbers?2
THIS small activism is shaping me. I even found myself talking about being engaged and holding our legislators to account on the news. My teenage son said, ‘I KNEW this would happen when you got upset.” I asked him for clarification, and he wisely said, ‘I knew that you would start to say things, and people would listen, and you would keep talking. I KNEW it.” (To be clear, it’s one-quarter pride and three-quarters humiliation- but that too is doing something to him that I think will be formative and good.)
What is what you do, doing to you? This is a challenging question because it’s tough to see our blind spots and our own growth spots. Because it’s always both growth and atrophy. I’ve found this thought really challenging over the past couple of weeks. What will it do for you?
A Blessing for Attention
As your attention, time, money, and choices shape and form you, may you be aware that the things you do, do something to you. May you be brave to consider and quick to act. When the frenetic pace of life that catches us all at times catches you, and you find yourself making decisions and choices, large and small, without reflection, may you then pause, breath deep, and notice how what the things you do are doing to you.
Audit who you follow on social media. Do you personally know this person? Do they inspire you towards love, joy, peace, and hope? Do they help you or just add things to your Amazon cart?
Bomb Shelter: Love, Time and Other Explosives by Mary Laura Philpott
This book was recommended on several lists and book podcasts. I enjoy collections of essays, and this one was perfect. Mary Laura Philpott is a cross between Anne Lamott and Ann Patchett. This book wasn’t earth-shaking or profound; it was sweet, redemptive, and good.
“Better to believe the world is at least half-full of decent intentions than to focus on how it’s also half-full of assholes.”
― Mary Laura Philpott, Bomb Shelter: Love, Time, and Other Explosives
You Are What you Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit by James K.A. Smith
This was a book assigned as part of my Spiritual Director training. I wouldn’t have found it or picked it up on my own, but I’m glad I read it. It’s less about habit as we think of habit and more about the power of liturgy to shape and form humans. It’s only been in the past ten years that I have fallen in love with liturgy. This book helped me understand my own journey better and why what I’m seeing in myself and kids as we become liturgy people.
God Speaks Through Wombs: Poems on God’s Unexpected Coming by Drew Jackson
It’s my personal challenge to read one book of poetry each month this year. This was my poetry book in May. I really loved this book. This is a collection of poems written in conversation with the first eight chapters of the Gospel of Luke.
“...although this collection is in conversation with the Gospel of Luke, it is not only meant for those who are well-versed in the Bible…Poetry has always interacted with faith and spirituality because poetry invites us to explore our interior landscape. A poem invites us to slow down–in fact, it demands it-and it serves as a “gesture toward home,” as the poet Jericho Brown says, welcoming us to return to our true dwelling place.”
-Drew Jackson
A few thoughts on habits from different sources-Read them slowly, see what sparkles, challenges or resounds for you. Sit with it and let it form you. Carry it with you over the week.
“Your deepest desire,” he observes, “is the one manifested by your daily life and habits.” This is because our action—our doing—bubbles up from our loves, which, as we’ve observed, are habits we’ve acquired through the practices we’re immersed in. That means the formation of my loves and desires can be happening “under the hood” of consciousness. I might be learning to love a telos (ultimate aim or objective) that I’m not even aware of and that nonetheless governs my life in unconscious ways.”
― James K.A. Smith, You Are What You Love: The Spiritual Power of Habit
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
― James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time.”
― James Clear, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
The real enemies of our life are the 'oughts' and the 'ifs.' They pull us backward into the unalterable past and forward into the unpredictable future. But real life takes place in the here and now.
Henri Nouwen
I don’t have TikTok or Twitter-but. Maybe you do.
It takes less than two minutes to make all the calls. I call their Washington DC offices. I say my name, where I live and my zip code. I say I am a voter and I’m asking them to support the current legislation. When I read something interesting about the issue, I take a screen shot on my phone, so I have easy access to facts and data. At this point I’m sure they all know me. If you want details (bill numbers etc), a script and contact information for Idaho, I’m happy to sent that you-just reply to this email, it comes directly to me and I’ll email you right back!