Anne Lamott taught me to pray.
Spiritual Guidance from books.
“My three prayers are variations on Help, Thanks, Wow. That's all I'll ever need, besides the silence, the pain, and the pause sufficient for me to stop, close my eyes, and turn inward.”
― Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
Several weeks ago, I was reminded of Anne Lamott’s book, Help, Thanks, Wow: Three Essential Prayers. I looked up quotes from that book for a piece that I was writing. It helped improve that piece, but the real work was in my heart. The words sparkled and shimmered and sprouted something new in my heart. There was an invitation not just for my writing but for my soul.
The prayers modeled for me as a youth and young adult in church, youth group, and Christian life were wordy, word prayers. Lots of eloquence. Lots of explaining. Lots of recommendations or suggestions for how to address requests. Lots of reporting. With a whole lot of “oh, God” as punctuation marks. These prayers were heartfelt, well-intentioned, and, I have no doubt, powerful.
But, I grew weary of so many wordy words. I began to wonder if I even knew the right words to pray. Did I know the answers? Did I understand the situation I was trying to explain to God? Did God need me to explain anything? Did God need my pre-ordered solutions? What did my prayers and style of praying reveal about how I viewed and understood God? (Just little questions like that…)
These questions are why, when I discovered the liturgy of the Episcopal church, I fell quickly and deeply in love with The Book of Common Prayer. With its thoughtful forms and intentionally shaped prayers honed over decades, liturgical prayer were a balm to my soul.
Prayers like The Collect for Purity…
Almighty God, to whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and from whom no secrets are hidden; cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, so that we may truly love you and worthily praise your holy name; through our Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.
I believe in prayer; I do. But, I have a complicated relationship with prayer. As I pondered Anne’s words about prayer, her belief that Help, Thanks, and Wow are essential prayers, I wondered if she could have some insight to help me untangle my relationship to prayer. I wondered if, instead of the wordy word, prayers if help, thanks, and wow could be a way to help me untangle what felt tangled in my soul.
A few weeks ago, I started praying help, thanks, wow. Anne Lamott taught me to pray in a new way. I think she might be right; these are the essential prayers.
Help…
I start to list people I know need help-which is everyone, everywhere, all the time. But, instead of feeling like I need to explain, report, solve, or otherwise insert myself and my will, I can just pray, Help {insert name here}.
Help prayer humbles me. I don’t have to be anything other than a concerned co-citizen of the planet. I can let go of my ego’s understanding and desires and just acknowledge this person, who I love, and admire, needs help, of some kind, in some way. God/Creator/Spirit, you do you..whatever help looks like, I don’t presume to know. This prayer stance invites me to pray more because I’m acknowledging that I know less, and that’s okay!
“We learn from pain that some of the things we thought were castles turn out to be prisons, and we desperately want out, but even though we built them, we can't find the door. Yet maybe if you ask God for help in knowing which direction to face, you'll have a moment of intuition. Maybe you'll see at least one next right step you can take.”
― Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
Thanks…
Thanks for {insert name}, {insert experience}, or {insert place}. Advice on morning routines, sleeping better at night, or relieving stress all remind us that gratitude is an essential and transformational element. Thanks, prayer reminds me to pause and remember all life's gifts.
Thanks…it’s so simple, so easy. This prayer prompt reminds me to stay in a posture of gratitude all day.
“Thanks' is a huge mind-shift, from thinking that God wants our happy chatter and a public demonstration and is deeply interested in our opinions of the people we hate, to feeling quiet gratitude, humbly and amazingly, without shame at having been so blessed.”
― Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
“Gratitude begins in our hearts and then dovetails into behavior. It almost always makes you willing to be of service, which is where the joy resides. It means that you are willing to stop being such a jerk. When you are aware of all that has been given to you, in your lifetime and the past few days, it is hard not to be humbled, and pleased to give back.”
― Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
Wow…
Awe and wonder are having a moment in modern society. I’ve written about it here. Wow, prayer invites me to see beauty, grace, and kindness in my small, ordinary moments. Wow keeps me aware and watching my life with expectant eyes and heart. Wow reminds me that I can receive without having to manage.
“What can we say beyond Wow, in the presence of glorious art, in music so magnificent that it can't have originated solely on this side of things? Wonder takes our breath away, and makes room for new breath.”
― Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
Help, Thanks, Wow has become an easy-to-remember, easy-to-apply model of prayer. The grace of this prayer model is its flexibility. These prayers are easy to pray anytime, all the time throughout the day.
Words like grace, peace, and love could be another model. Release, Restore, and Remember is another possibility.
It’s simple. It’s freeing. It’s humbling.
One of the things I love about Spiritual Direction is we can untangle (or at least start) the tangled-up places. Fresh, inventive, personalized spiritual practices often emerge in the course of a spiritual direction conversation. (Things like, what if you used help, thanks, wow as a model for your prayers…)
If you are interested in learning more about spiritual direction, the best way I’ve found to understand it is to experience a session. Visit my website or email me directly (your replies to this email come directly to my personal inbox) to schedule a complimentary first session.
Try this way of prayer or relating to the world this week. See what happens.
How do you feel about Help, Thanks, Wow, prayer?
Is there another set of words that might invite you? (Grace, Peace, Love)
How does it feel to pray in such a simple way? What do you notice about your resistance or attraction to this model of prayer?
Honor by Thrity Umrigar
This was a Reese’s Book Club book pick in 2022. It’s the story of an international journalist of Indian descent called to India by a colleague. She thinks she will help her fellow journalist with a health issue. She is surprised to realize that she must complete the coverage of a very controversial murder case. Smitha was born in India but left for unknown reasons as a teen, with a vow never to return. I read this book in a day and loved it. It was complex, heartfelt, and challenging. I love books about places I will never visit, and even if I did, I wouldn’t truly see what lies beneath. This book was heavy, but it didn’t feel heavy. There was hope and growth too. I loved it.
Just a few more wise words from Anne. Notice if something stands out to you or invites you to pause.
“My belief is that when you're telling the truth, you're close to God. If you say to God, "I am exhausted and depressed beyond words, and I don't like You at all right now, and I recoil from most people who believe in You," that might be the most honest thing you've ever said. If you told me you had said to God, "It is all hopeless, and I don't have a clue if You exist, but I could use a hand," it would almost bring tears to my eyes, tears of pride in you, for the courage it takes to get real-really real. It would make me want to sit next to you at the dinner table.
So prayer is our sometimes real selves trying to communicate with the Real, with Truth, with the Light. It is us reaching out to be heard, hoping to be found by a light and warmth in the world, instead of darkness and cold. Even mushrooms respond to light - I suppose they blink their mushroomy eyes, like the rest of us.
Light reveals us to ourselves, which is not always so great if you find yourself in a big disgusting mess, possibly of your own creation. But like sunflowers we turn toward light. Light warms, and in most cases it draws us to itself. And in this light, we can see beyond our modest receptors, to what is way beyond us, and deep inside.”
― Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
“If I were going to begin practicing the presence of God for the first time today, it would help to begin by admitting the three most terrible truths of our existence: that we are so ruined, and so loved, and in charge of so little.”
― Anne Lamott, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers
