I’m revisiting this piece from April 2022. (With a few minor edits.) I still love the Ram Dass quote. It’s so helpful and so hard to do.
Ted Lasso’s (from a favorite series of many on Apple TV) life motto, be curious, not judgemental, reminds us of an important truth.
The curious part is easy or maybe more straightforward.
That second part, not being judgemental, is the hard part.
Judgment serves me. Judgment provides boundaries. It feels protective. But, I wonder if judgment offers a false sense of security. Judgment happens so fast that I hardly know it’s happened. And maybe that’s the point. It’s automatic; it’s a symptom of not living in the present. It’s a symptom of fear. It’s a tell-tale of not knowing my actual value and trying to rate my value and worth against the shifting, false scale of the other. When I judge the other, it’s a cheap way to make myself feel better, and it doesn’t even last! Judgment invites me to believe either/or; something or someone is either good or bad, right or wrong. Judgment isn’t curious. It doesn’t see the contours, the subtleties, or the grace. Judgment blocks me from walking in both/and or yes/and.
Every religion and transformational belief system talks about living in the present and avoiding judgment. It seems to be part of the basic spiritual operating system.
Recently, I ran across the following wise words: some of the best I’ve read about judgment.
I found the following idea very helpful. I know that judgment is false and distances me from others and even from myself. But I don’t know how not to do it! I don’t know what that looks like—removing the concept of judgment from people and thinking about it in the context of trees. Well, it clarified a lot for me. Let these words sink in. I think they are potentially transformative.
“When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
-Ram Dass
You allow it…you appreciate the tree. I think that’s it. That’s the secret. It’s not easy, but this gives me a model, something to consider and think about. This shows me that it’s possible and already within me to lay down my judgemental security blanket and use what I know about appreciating trees, flowers, birds, clouds, and weather to move towards curiosity and away from judgment.
A Blessing for Non-Judgment
We live in a world of information overload. May we appreciate people who hold beliefs different from our own, politically, spiritually, and ethically, as we do the trees and budding spring flowers, not with judgment but with appreciation (and curiosity!) May we embrace what compels us to judge and hold that impulse of judgment with kindness and curiosity. May we notice each time this week that we refrain from judgment and send blessings and peace outward instead.
I love this Zoom conversation. I look forward to it every month. January marked our thirty-eight recording (and we did this for a year before we started recording!) Every month it’s an example of synchronicity. There is never a plan, no theme, and without fail, each of our poems finds an uncanny throughline. It’s magical.
Visit Profound Living to see our Haikus (and for wonderful, thoughtful essays!)
I try to pay attention to words or phrases that stand out in my reading and listening. There is a spiritual practice called Florliledgium that collects short, interesting pieces {words that “sparkle” up} and puts them together. This is kind of like that. Watching for things that sparkle. Gathering them and seeing how they work together and what message, mantra, or new idea might arise.
A Practice:
Read slowly.
Notice if a word or phrase stands out to you.
How do the words make you feel?
Is there an invitation?
(I’m sharing the lines that stand out to me in these passages in italics. Maybe it’s the same, or perhaps it’s different. There is much food for thought in each of these passages)
The real enemies of our life are the 'oughts' and the 'ifs.' They pull us backward into the unalterable past and forward into the unpredictable future. But real life takes place in the here and now.
Henri Nouwen
“We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.
When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.
It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable.”
― Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
So, if mothers are really incredible at being present in our pain, illness, weakness, need and disillusionment, why don’t we typically perceive God as Mother? Why doesn’t our society’s idea of God include mothering and femininity?
-Christina Cleveland, PhD, God is a Black Woman