On Taking Free Relief
One of the more surprising roles in my journey of being a mother has been the role of "golf mom." I understand golf stats, I can talk golf courses and golf professionals, and I know the best brand of balls. The following incident happened five years ago; I still remember that afternoon and know precisely the hole and course this happened on. The advice my then 10-year-old son shared stands the test of time and hopefully will be a rule you can apply to your life this week.
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I have two junior golfers playing the game. Last weekend my daughter (who is 7) hit a ball that ended up on top of a sprinkler in a hole. Another mom and I surveyed the situation, and not being golf pros, we made a mom decision that she couldn't hit the ball from there. We picked up the ball and dropped it outside of the hole. Later I consulted my 10-year-old son, a rule "expert," and he said, "You can always take free relief when your ball hits a man-made obstacle." If your ball hits a tree, don't hit the trunk when you swing. Or if the ball is in long grass, swing hard. If the ball can't be hit, the player can move the ball a club length but must take a penalty stroke. Trees, grass, and rocks are not man-made. They are part of nature and must be worked around or a penalty stroke taken.
Free relief when you encounter a man-made obstacle really struck me. Golf is a game of rules, and the fact there is a specific rule for "man-made obstacles" made me smile, and it caused me to start thinking.
Is there an obstacle from which I need to (or can) take free relief?
Free relief in golf means that the ball can be moved to the left, right, or back. Never forward- an advantage can not be taken by moving the ball closer to the hole. The free relief rule acknowledges that sometimes there are obstacles that can't be worked around. The ball can move to a better position without penalty. It's free (no added strokes) and relief because the player doesn’t have to hit an impossible shot that risks damage to clubs (or ego).
Is there a place in life where it’s time to take free relief? Is there an obstacle, a pattern of thought, or a situation looming large that if the ball was moved a little bit to the left, right, or back the obstacle would no longer be as problematic?
Free relief is permission not to quit playing but to admit, "I can't quite make this shot without some help. There is a man-made obstacle in my way."
Free relief is a phrase not used in everyday life, but I think it should be! There is something peaceful and calming about the words and the idea that there is relief, and it's without penalty (free!) I love how words are used, and it's so interesting that the phrase in golf is "take free relief." Take; the player has to be willing to take it. It's there, it's an option, but the choice must be made to take it.
From the moment my son explained the concept of "free relief," that phrase has been on repeat in my brain. I love the idea that we can "take" free relief.
Is there a place in your life where free relief may be an option, but you aren't taking it?
Is there a trial that if you stepped back and looked at it with new eyes if you changed your approach, the answer would be different?
Have you been trying to solve a problem using the same tools over and over? What would happen if you stepped back and moved a bit to the left, right, or even a step back?
Is there an obstacle that you need to take free relief from? (This is your invitation and permission to take free relief!)
A Blessing for Taking-Free-Relief
May the invitation to take free relief land softly in your soul. As the obstacles and challenges of this week unfold, may you experience the grace of stepping to the left, right, or behind your blocks for relief and to see with a new perspective. May the grace of this rule be yours this week.
Another month, our 31st recorded haiku conversation.
Our haikus this month include the ideas….
Expresso Poems
Daily Tendencies
Rhythm at our Core
Visit Profound Living to see our Haiku Cards and learn more about each of the authors!
I’m sharing a few wise words this evening from Pema Chödrön. Let a word or phrase that stands out to you accompany you through the week. Jot the phrase on a piece of paper and see what invitations and lessons it holds for you as you walk with the words all week.
“The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes. ”
― Pema Chodron
“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It's a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
― Pema Chödrön, The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times
