Several weeks ago, during a busy stretch of golf tournaments (my son), dance lessons (my daughter), and all the other things that shape my family life, I grew worried about “my” backyard hummingbirds. I thought they were no longer visiting my feeder!
I had only seen a couple at the feeder over what felt like several days. I wondered if the food in the feeder was bad or if a disease had wiped out the hummingbirds. Did the naughty squirrels, quails, hawks, or owls become aggressive? I spent several days worried about the missing backyard hummingbirds. What had I done wrong?
Then, one evening, cleaning up after dinner, it hit me: maybe the hummingbirds weren’t missing; perhaps I was the one missing. In all the busyness of summer with two active teens, I was glancing daily at the hummingbird feeder, not enjoying a few quiet minutes in the evening outside near the hummingbird feeder. I sat down the dish rag, left the dirty dishes stacked, and went outside. I left all that felt urgent and sat down in my favorite seat to watch the hummingbird feeder.
It only took a minute to see and hear that the hummingbirds were just fine. They were up to their usual antics of drinking, guarding, diving, driving others away, chasing, and pausing. I saw a shimmering orange rufous hummingbird, a new variety, in my backyard! The hummingbirds hadn’t been missing; I had been missing.
I had misjudged the situation. I gave my quick, distracted glances more weight than they deserved. My analysis of the situation was based on a few brief glances and considerable speculation. My judgment was inaccurate and incomplete.
Carolyn Myss, in her book Entering the Castle, based on St. Teresa of Avalia’s classic The Interior Castle, writes about judgment, “Everyone is quick to judge, which is why it is essential to develop discernment, the refined capacity of reason…With discernment, you practice detachment. Instead of looking through the lens of your personal vulnerabilities, the discerning eye is objective. You gain discernment by becoming aware of the reasons why you judge and why you fear what is new and different.”
I thought about Carolyn’s insights on judgment while I sat outside enjoying the cacophony of hummingbirds. I had judged too quickly and jumped to an incorrect conclusion. I judged when I should have discerned. I hadn’t been slow to consider. My judgment was based on looking through one small window-what can I know about what’s happening through the limits of one small window pane? I was judging with an incorrect set of facts.
Carolyn Myss suggests, “Apply wisdom instead of judgment.”
Wisdom slows down.
Wisdom looks wide.
Wisdom finds connections.
Wisdom listens first and speaks second.
I like the idea of seeking wisdom rather than judgment. The world doesn’t need my judgment, my categorizing, my glances, without all the information. My sorting, which is often incorrect at best and sometimes completely wrong, only adds to division and anxiety.
I judged the hummingbirds gone. I judged my actions, or those of the naughty squirrels, as the ones to blame. I created a story and added anxiety and worrisome energy into the world, which was a waste of time and energy. The time and energy I could have spent enjoying the hummingbirds, rather than concocting a story about their demise.
I’m too quick to judge and trust my incomplete understanding.
I want to seek wisdom rather than judgment. What would happen if we all trusted our judgment less and sought wisdom more?
A Blessing For Seeking Wisdom-
When you find your glances quick and your worries big, may you set down what occupies your hands and mind and rest. Watch, find a space of openness in your heart and head, and seek wisdom rather than judgment. May wisdom ease your worries and fears.
When I realized that I was the one missing, not the hummingbirds, I was moved from judgment to wisdom.
Where are you the one missing in your life?
Where are you being invited to slow down, sit down, and experience what is, and has always been there?
Earlier this year, I read Oliver Burkeman’s book, Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts. I found it filled with wisdom for modern life. I’m sharing quotes from the book, along with wise quotes that Oliver used to support his points. (I recommend the book; if you haven’t read it yet, you should!)
Read each quote slowly, and notice what word or phrase catches your attention. Consider why those words caught your attention, and see if there is a wise invitation for you to live into this week.
“What is true is already so. Owning up to it doesn’t make it worse. Not being open about it doesn’t make it go away. And because it’s true, it is what is there to be interacted with. Anything untrue isn’t there to be lived. People can stand what is true, for they are already enduring it.’ – EUGENE GENDLIN”
“In an age of attention scarcity, the greatest act of good citizenship may be learning to withdraw your attention from everything except the battles you’ve chosen to fight.”
― Oliver Burkeman
“Everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared, even the people who seem to have it more or less together. They are much more like you than you would believe. So try not to compare your insides to their outsides.”
― Oliver Burkeman
“What is anxiety? It is the next day. With whom, then, does the pagan contend in anxiety? With himself, with a delusion, because the next day is a powerless nothing if you yourself do not give it your strength.’ – SØREN KIERKEGAARD”
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.’ – WILLIAM JAMES”
“I’m not interested in burning myself [out] by whole-assing stuff that will be fine if I half- or quarter-ass it. Being able to achieve maximum economy of ass is an important adult skill.”
― Oliver Burkeman
Thoughtful, thank you.
Some friends and I also just finished meditations for mortals. Such a good book! I like him because he’s often a contrarian, questioning the established norm or view, and backing it up with data, examples, and results. And he’s also a good and clever writer with interesting stories.
Discernment is a hard thing for me. I’m used to putting things on a pros list or a cons list. Doing things like prioritizing, maybe strategizing - that kind of logical, wordy thinking. Quite a different thing than looking for what shimmers, what resonates, what calls.
Nice essay here Amy, as usual. Lots of food for thought.