I’m still thinking about Ted Lasso and his life mantra (Be curious, not judgemental). The curious part is easy or maybe more straightforward. That second part, not being judgemental, is the hard part. (Did you miss last Sunday’s Smaller & Deeper? You can read what turns out to be part one here!)
Judgment serves me. Judgment provides boundaries. It feels protective. But, I wonder if judgment offers a false sense of security? Judgment happens so fast that I hardly know it’s happened. And, maybe that’s the point. It’s automatic; it’s a symptom of not living in the present. It’s a symptom of fear. It’s a tell-tale of not knowing my actual value and trying to rate my value and worth against the shifting, false scale of the other. When I engage in judgment of the other, it’s a cheap way to make myself feel better, and it doesn’t even last! Judgment invites me to believe either/or; something or someone is either good or bad, right or wrong. Judgment isn’t curious. It doesn’t see the contours, the subtitles, the grace. Judgment blocks me from walking in both/and or yes/and.
Every religion and transformational belief system talks about living in the present and avoiding judgment. It seems to be part of the basic spiritual operating system. As I walked this week with Ted Lasso’s advice to be curious, not judgemental. I ran across the following wise words: some of the best I’ve read about judgment. (I love it when I carry an idea and it starts to pop up in the most unexpected places.)
I found the following idea so helpful. I know that judgment is false and distances me from others and even from myself. But I don’t know how not to do it! I don’t know what that looks like—removing the concept of judgment from people and thinking about it in the context of trees. Well, it clarified a lot for me. Let these words sink in. I think they are potentially transformative.
When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree.
The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You are too this, or I’m too this.’ That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.”
Ram Dass
You just allow it…you appreciate the tree. I think that’s it. That’s the secret. It’s not easy, but this gives me a model, something to consider and think about. This show’s me that it’s possible and already within me to lay down my judgemental security blanket and use what I know about appreciating trees, flowers, birds, clouds, and weather to move towards curiosity and away from judgment.
A Blessing for non-judgment
We live in a world of information overload. May we appreciate people, the other that holds beliefs different from our own-politically, spiritually, ethically as we do the trees and budding spring flowers; not with judgment, but with appreciation (and curiosity!) May we embrace what compels us to judge and hold that impulse of judgment with kindness and curiosity. May we notice each time this week that we refrain from judgment and send blessing and peace outward instead.
I’ve printed Ram Dass's words about judgment. I plan to read it every morning this week. Will you join me? What might happen in hearts and minds if we become more curious and less judgmental?
Recently Read:
God is a Black Woman by Christina Cleveland
I loved this book. I was equally parts inspired and challenged. It’s the story of Christina Cleveland’s walking pilgrimage through France to visit the Black Madonnas prevalent throughout that region. (Something that I didn’t know!) It’s a hard book to characterize; it’s part autobiographical, part theological, part inspirational, and part educational.
“The prevalence of white male images of God easily lead us to conclude that God is definitively and exclusively white and male. And like many culture-shaping ideas, we don’t even question the idea or how it shapes our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. For most of us, regardless of what we might want to believe or claim to believe, the image that immediately comes to mind when we imagine God is that of a powerful white man who is for and with powerful white men. It’s a deceptive idea that flies under the radar, powerfully shaping us without our consent.”
― Christena Cleveland, God Is a Black Woman
God’s Voice Within: The Ignatian Way to Discover God’s Will by Mark E. Thibodeaux
This was a book I read for my Spiritual Director training. This year has been a deep dive into all things Ignatian. I loved this book. It’s a very surprising and practical way to make decisions. St. Ignatius believed in listening to desire, longing, and the power of imagination. It feels a little revolutionary in many ways, and yet it’s part of an ancient stream.
“If we take an honest look at the mistakes we've made, we'll see that many of them were a reaction to unnamed fear within us.”
― Mark E. Thibodeaux, God's Voice Within: The Ignatian Way to Discover God's Will
I try to pay attention to words or phrases that stand out in my reading and listening. There is a spiritual practice called Florliledgium that collects short, interesting pieces {words that “sparkle” up} and puts them together. This is kind of like that. Watching for things that sparkle. Gathering them and seeing how they work together and what message, mantra, or new idea might arise.
A Practice:
Read slowly.
Notice if a word or phrase stands out to you.
How do the words make you feel?
Is there an invitation?
(I’m sharing the lines that stand out to me in these passages in italics. Maybe it’s the same, or perhaps it’s different. There is much food for thought in each of these passages)
The real enemies of our life are the 'oughts' and the 'ifs.' They pull us backward into the unalterable past and forward into the unpredictable future. But real life takes place in the here and now.
Henri Nouwen
“We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.
When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.
It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable.”
― Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have
So, if mothers are really incredible at being present in our pain, illness, weakness, need and disillusionment, why don’t we typically perceive God as Mother? Why doesn’t our society’s idea of God include mothering and femininity?
-Christina Cleveland, PhD, God is a Black Woman
